Kitty Kitty
by Natural Seoul
Summary: Poor Tseng stumbles upon one of Rufus' kinks in the office.


Disclaimer: I own neither Final Fantasy VII nor Calvin and Hobbes

* * *

For the last two hours Tseng had been enjoying silence that was near-mythical on the Department of Administrative Research floor. Reno had a way of making things… lively. With the redhead gone, he and the rest of the Turks could actually get work done.

"When's Reno getting back from his mission, Tseng?" Elena asked, looking up from a report she was writing. Rude also nodded, master of Nonverbal Communication. Tseng paused mid-signature to think about it.

"I actually don't remember sending him on any missions."

"You mean, its been quiet for _two hours_ and Reno is _missing_?" Elena gasped, an aura of horror filling the room. No one knew what Reno could do with two hours of unsupervised time, but their worst nightmares revolved around lesser stuff. Tseng stood abruptly.

"Elena, check the staffroom, and be sure to check any food item with the pathogen-detection kit. Then the coffee machines, he's fond of those. I'll call his cell while I check the elevator shafts. Rude, check the washrooms. Be fast and thorough, and remember The Noodle Incident! Now go!" They all scattered to their respective tasks.

An hour later, and still no sign of the obnoxious, love-to-hate Turk. Tseng was quite baffled. Usually when Reno had set up a prank, he waltzed in smirking; daring them to find what he had done. The quiet was no longer a blessing but a tense silence, the silence of a bomb waiting to be dropped. He hoped the fallout wouldn't require too much paperwork.

Tseng thought about the last time he had heard from the Turk. Hadn't Rufus called him to come to his office? Something regarding discipline for that last stunt with the helicopter. Tseng strode off to the President's office suite.

"President?" Tseng knocked politely.

"Come in Tseng," the President's voice called out from the other side of the door. Tseng stepped in the Rufus's luxurious office. The young President looked up from his paperwork, golden hair catching the afternoon sunlight.

"Sir, I was wondering if you had seen Reno... _Reno_!" Tseng's mouth opened and closed, causing him to look remarkably like a fish.

The redheaded Turk was sitting about a foot from Rufus' desk, attached to it by a long, delicate chain. The chain clipped to a leather collar around Reno's neck, a tag labelled '_Property of Rufus'_ winking in the light. The Turk was dressed in black leather short shorts that ended in black fluffy piping. A tail was sewed to the base of the shorts, and cat ears poked from the redhead's mess of hair. He was handcuffed with his own standard-issue cuffs, the key of which was prominently displayed on the corner of Rufus' desk.

Reno blushed furiously and kept his eyes glued to the carpet.

"No, Tseng, I have yet to see him," Rufus said with a barely concealed smirk. "But I'm sure he won't be coming back today," he added helpfully.

"I… think I will be going now…Dismissed?" Tseng said slowly, backing out of the room at Rufus' nod.

Reno looked up with a desperate expression. He mouthed to Tseng: _help me_. Tseng merely turned around and closed the door with a quiet click. Rufus looked to his employee-cum-catboy.

"I think Tseng liked your outfit, pet." Reno flushed brilliantly.

"I fucking hate you, yo."

"You know you love it," Rufus purred.

"…and I fucking hate when you're right."

"Shush, kitty."

Elena looked up as Tseng entered their office with a mechanical gait. He sat heavily in his chair, cradling his head in the crook of his elbow. "Did you find Reno sir?" she asked hopefully.

"I…. the President sent him home early," he said, voice muffled.

"Oh, lucky bastard," Elena sighed, no longer interested. "Rufus sure likes him..."

"Yes, it _is_ lucky that the President likes him," said Tseng with the tone of a man realizing a great truth. And at that moment, despite psychological scarring, he was quite happy.

At least it wasn't him. Thank _Gaia_ it wasn't him. "Very lucky indeed."

* * *

Poor Tseng.

Is it "Investigative Division of the General Affairs Department" or "Department of Administrative Research"? I've read both. And is it "Reh-no" or "Ree-no"? Like "Mah-ko" versus "May-ko".


End file.
